As a child, I am sure you were taught many different things by your parents. Such as how to be polite, and have manners. They probably taught you how to drive and possibly even cook. Why do they teach you? Because they want you to live long, and thrive in this world. In order to do that, you must know how to get along on your own. Subtly through teaching ‘manners’ and other things however they also taught how to suppress the bad things within yourself. It didn’t matter what you were feeling or thinking, they taught to change the behavior. They made you change things they themselves did not like because they had an idea of how they wanted you to turn out.
Now you are an adult yourself. And you are still being told how to act and how to be. ‘Be good’, ‘be kind’, ‘give’ is what everyone thinks you should do. And you are successful, you, are a kind, generous, person. But you carry hidden negativity with you. You don’t even recognize this because you fill your time with activities to avoid having to face your true self. You watch movies, listen to music, drink, and talk. Your mind goes numb and it doesn’t have to face itself. The jealousy in you, the hate, the bitterness, and addictions, are still there. So it seems you are not as successful as you thought. You still carry the negativity within you, only showing it to yourself and a few select friends or family.
You spend your whole life trying to fit inside of a box of what society wants you to be. And you followed along in hope of being accepted. But the you that you appeared to be, never was the real you. You felt all the goodness and all the ugliness inside of you. But only acknowledged the goodness, and pushed aside the ugliness. You pushed aside the ugly parts for so long that you don’t even realize you are doing it as a grown up. You subconsciously lie to yourself and others, but your conscious knows the dark sides of you. Because it is in fact still in you. But your conscious wants you to see and face yourself. It triggers anger in you when you see parts of you that you don’t like, in other people. You easily point to others when they are ‘bad’ because what you see in them are things you don’t like about yourself. They are a direct reflection of yourself. This further propagates the illusion to yourself that you are good and others are bad. Continuously ignoring your ugly parts within allows you to live unconsciously, free from feeling the guilt associated with it. You do not want to feel any repercussions for your dark side and so, you lie to yourself. And you never heal your dark side, continuing the cycle of negativity within yourself.
No matter what you do, you cannot tame the beast inside of yourself. And it can bring you down and make you frustrated with yourself. You do everything you are supposed to do. You go to church, go to work, take care of your family, give, and help. But still your demons remain buried deep down inside of you. The Earth is based on a yin and yang concept. It is both good and bad in perfect balance. This is how the human being is as well, yin and yang. Salvation from your dark side will never come until you allow yourself to be. Allow yourself to be your true authentic self, and love yourself for it. Religion requires you to look outside of yourself for help and answers and it promises to help you in this way. And because it is an outside source of help, it can only help to motivate you to banish your dark side. It does not actually get rid of your dark side.
To come to a place of acceptance you must first acknowledge the negative feelings you associate with your dark side. Such as guilt, shame, and anger. Know that you are feeling it and observe it inside of your mind. Don’t hold judgement toward the self or the emotion. Allow it to simply be a thought in your mind. You will have to practice this observation several times before you are successful in your observation and stillness. But after you have been able to observe the emotion, then you can move on to changing your perspective on it. Look at the guilt or shame and figure out why you feel this way about it. Did your parents tell you that you shouldn’t eat so much? Did they say not to get angry and yell? What happened to you that shaped your belief about the source of emotion? Can you find it?
Once you have found the reason for your perspective, then you can change it. Change your perspective about it. Instead of feeling bad for being jealous, remind yourself that this is a normal emotion and everyone feels sometimes. Point Out the good points of feeling this emotion. Example: Jealousy can motivate you to do better, strive for more in life. And with this exercise, don’t judge anything yet. Allow your perspective to shift while withholding your critique about it or yourself. As you begin to switch your perspective on your dark side, you will be expressing total love and kindness to the self. You will come to a place within yourself of total acceptance and love. As a direct result of loving your entire being, you will have no negativity to reflect off of other people. You will accept others more willingly. Then you will be fully able to have love for everyone else. And this is where I hope one day the whole world will be.
In order to get rid of unwanted characteristics with the self, you must take a look within the self. Take some time each day to be alone within yourself. Meditate, take a walk in nature, exercise in silence. Once you explore your true, deep, inner self, you will know what your true flaws are. In this space you can also begin the journey to self love. When you love yourself, your entire being becomes love. You will be more patient with others. You will love and accept everyone.